So. Guitar Hero 2 360. Yea. It's good. It's really good. But...
DANGER DANGER
GUITAR IS HAND-CRAMPING PILE OF DICK.
This thing is a piece of dog shit. Who was in charge here? What the fuck happened? It's really goddamn obvious too. After playing ONE SONG, it's noticeable. Even people who haven't played much notice it. The neck is too skinny in every dimension. Including the fourth. It's too short above the keys. Too short below the keys, and too short on back. It's painful. Not kidding. PAINFUL. So. What's a man to do if Guitar Hero is a necessity?
Get some foam. Some of the thicker, more robust shit. The kind of foam they pack high-end stereos and TVs with. I happened to have that sort of foam lying around because I spend a shitload of money on useless stuff. Alright, so you take some of this foam and you start hacking at it. Get a section that's about 2.5 inches tall by 2.5 inches wide by 6-7 inches long. Now cut it into an L-shape, but not some skinny, pussy L-shape. But a hardcore, thick L-Shape. I don't have pictures of it off the guitar. Apologies. This isn't a how-to for Boing Boing or Make Magazine. This is a band-aid. It just happens to be a good one. Also, vocabulary is fun: When you're holding the guitar, the top faces your head, the back faces your body, and the bottom faces the feet.
So, after about 2 hours of futzing around with cardboard cutouts and such. I isolated the problem was in how the thumb rested. I also have a theory about where the side of your index finger - right at the base - rests on the bottom when hitting blue and orange notes (or red and green, depending on how you play). The thumb needed to be a but higher, and a but more arched away from the neck. So, take this thick L-shape you've got cut from the foam and get yourself a really sharp knife, and start hacking away. I recommend working on the outside to make a nice, curved shape to customize it for the ridge between your thumb and index finger.
See, my guitar is comfortable for me now. Everyone else who has used it has said it's not quite right. Anyway, hack away at that foam until it fits the bridge of your hand. Well, let's call it the bridge, I'm sure it has a real name. But I like bridge. Your thumb has 2 joints in it. The area between the 2 joints is - theoretically - what should be resting on the ridge where the top and back of the guitar neck meet. Once you've got this comfortably placed, you're going to start hacking at the other side of the foam. Make sure not to cut yourself. Or, whatever. Don't really care. The pain this guitar will cause is far worse than some flesh wound if you actually tried to play Jordan or Six on it.
Alright, so the foam should fit, if you cut it right, over the top and back of the neck. Yes, that's right, you don't have to cover every side for this to be adequate. Well, maybe you do if you have MONSTER HANDS. But I have pretty huge hands. The only keyboard I don't fat finger is a Model M. There's a lot of space between those keys...
Ok, so you've got this thing kinda fitted onto the guitar neck. Now get some electricians tape. Make sure it's electricians tape too - you want something smooth. See, you can kill 2 birds with one stone here. It will make it easier to slide up and down the neck as well as provide a surface that isn't coarse. Cover the entire foam area of the neck in that tape. I haven't covered the entirety yet so you can see how thick my foam is, once this article is posted, you can be damn sure I'm gonna layer that tape on thick to smooth it out completely.
Of course, if Red Octane or WHOEVER had done their fucking job and had someone bigger than a midget try the guitar, this would have been fixed on Day 1. This is beyond "Oh, their QA was just lacking." This is "raid the castle with pitchforks" territory.
Red Octane, you and your friends are On Notice. Be thankful I didn't write about your totally fucked up whammy bar.
Oh, right. The review. The game is good but Red Octane owes me $60 or a fixed guitar. Here's a laundry list:
1. Reposition the guitar strap things. Whoever put these where they are is an asshole and cruel joker.
2. Fix the whammy bar. Morons. How can you fuck that up?
3. Explain why there's what looks like an RJ-35 jack on the bottom. Rock Band? Provide a cover for the damn thing so we don't wreck it somehow before the next title is released.
4. Fix the neck of the guitar. I guess this is a given.
5. Reposition and resize the start and select buttons. Sure, it was annoying on the PS2. But now I can't pause it WHEN I WANT.
6. Stop picking bad music. Rancid should have been Ruby Soho. And you fuckers know it.
Now, here's a bunch of pictures:
It's a shot straight at the back.
It's a shot not quite straight at the back.
As you can see, they're pretty much the same height now.
Also, nearly, the same total thickness.
Other stuff: I don't know how carpal tunnel syndrome comes to be. I don't know if this guitar can ACTUALLY cause damage to you. I simply felt the need to mod this thing to be COMFORTABLE. Hell, let's call the whole thing parody. It did only take me about 10 minutes to write. And let's face it, my mod is as shitty of the guitar. But at least my mod doesn't cause PAIN.
[discuss]
So, after about 2 hours of futzing around with cardboard cutouts and such. I isolated the problem was in how the thumb rested. I also have a theory about where the side of your index finger - right at the base - rests on the bottom when hitting blue and orange notes (or red and green, depending on how you play). The thumb needed to be a but higher, and a but more arched away from the neck. So, take this thick L-shape you've got cut from the foam and get yourself a really sharp knife, and start hacking away. I recommend working on the outside to make a nice, curved shape to customize it for the ridge between your thumb and index finger.
See, my guitar is comfortable for me now. Everyone else who has used it has said it's not quite right. Anyway, hack away at that foam until it fits the bridge of your hand. Well, let's call it the bridge, I'm sure it has a real name. But I like bridge. Your thumb has 2 joints in it. The area between the 2 joints is - theoretically - what should be resting on the ridge where the top and back of the guitar neck meet. Once you've got this comfortably placed, you're going to start hacking at the other side of the foam. Make sure not to cut yourself. Or, whatever. Don't really care. The pain this guitar will cause is far worse than some flesh wound if you actually tried to play Jordan or Six on it.
Alright, so the foam should fit, if you cut it right, over the top and back of the neck. Yes, that's right, you don't have to cover every side for this to be adequate. Well, maybe you do if you have MONSTER HANDS. But I have pretty huge hands. The only keyboard I don't fat finger is a Model M. There's a lot of space between those keys...
Ok, so you've got this thing kinda fitted onto the guitar neck. Now get some electricians tape. Make sure it's electricians tape too - you want something smooth. See, you can kill 2 birds with one stone here. It will make it easier to slide up and down the neck as well as provide a surface that isn't coarse. Cover the entire foam area of the neck in that tape. I haven't covered the entirety yet so you can see how thick my foam is, once this article is posted, you can be damn sure I'm gonna layer that tape on thick to smooth it out completely.
Of course, if Red Octane or WHOEVER had done their fucking job and had someone bigger than a midget try the guitar, this would have been fixed on Day 1. This is beyond "Oh, their QA was just lacking." This is "raid the castle with pitchforks" territory.
Red Octane, you and your friends are On Notice. Be thankful I didn't write about your totally fucked up whammy bar.
Oh, right. The review. The game is good but Red Octane owes me $60 or a fixed guitar. Here's a laundry list:
1. Reposition the guitar strap things. Whoever put these where they are is an asshole and cruel joker.
2. Fix the whammy bar. Morons. How can you fuck that up?
3. Explain why there's what looks like an RJ-35 jack on the bottom. Rock Band? Provide a cover for the damn thing so we don't wreck it somehow before the next title is released.
4. Fix the neck of the guitar. I guess this is a given.
5. Reposition and resize the start and select buttons. Sure, it was annoying on the PS2. But now I can't pause it WHEN I WANT.
6. Stop picking bad music. Rancid should have been Ruby Soho. And you fuckers know it.
Now, here's a bunch of pictures:
It's a shot straight at the back.
It's a shot not quite straight at the back.
As you can see, they're pretty much the same height now.
Also, nearly, the same total thickness.
Other stuff: I don't know how carpal tunnel syndrome comes to be. I don't know if this guitar can ACTUALLY cause damage to you. I simply felt the need to mod this thing to be COMFORTABLE. Hell, let's call the whole thing parody. It did only take me about 10 minutes to write. And let's face it, my mod is as shitty of the guitar. But at least my mod doesn't cause PAIN.
[discuss]