Dark Souls
This game is old everything is old I don’t care shut up you’re dumb. Play this. I bought it in 2011 for 360, stopped playing because I was scared (to the core (of my wiener)) by semi-random PvP, and then bought a console controller a year later solely to play it again on a real platform.


The port is bare-bones, but it’s got nipple mods and free multiplayer so leave me alone. Hell, it actually looks sort of pretty after modding in textures and effects. There’s still the odd slowdown at times but all told it’s as solid as my butt (I work out). Remember that controller business about forty words ago? No joke: you need one. There are times when you can feel the developers’ hands cupping yours like a sadistic Swayzeghost.


The story is peripherally interesting and requires some digging, but it’s entirely optional because it’s a skilled fantasy third-person adventure game with STATS and GEAR (YES). Learning gameplay mechanics as you go along can be a little frustrating, but rewarding–just like the rest of the game! More of these need to exist to foil the consequence-less everything of everything else. I cared so hard about this video game, and you can too.


game: dark souls

developer: from software

publisher: bandai namco

release date: august 24, 2011

other games like it: demon’s souls (from from software)

author: lesion